13 June, 2017
Raising a Stubborn Teen Daughter
Stubborn means resolute, unreasonable, unyielding or difficult to handle. Psychologist Carl Pickhardt notes in an article at PsychologyToday.com that all teenagers express stubbornness at times -- and in varying degrees. Open communication gives parents and potentially stubborn teens a forum to discuss issues that are creating tension. Stubborn teen daughters need open channels of communication with parents and other adults, according to the Palo Alto Medical Foundation.
Clear standards for your teenage daughter and firm enforcement of these rules reduce incidents pitting your teenage daughter's wishes against the household rules. The Raising Children Network recommends involving your teenage daughter in setting reasonable rules for behavior and establishing rewards for good behavior, and punishments for failing to meet family regulations. Rules should cover safety, manners, politeness, daily routines and the expectations for how to treat others. The network also recommends establishing "to do" rules as well as "don't" rules. Regulations should adapt as your teen ages to recognize your child as a maturing teenager, according to KidsHealth.
Open Communication Channels
Open communication channels use respectful discussions, without yelling or personal attacks on either side. The Ohio State University Extension notes that communicating with teens requires adapting the type of communication from childhood into a cooperative and open sharing agreement. Daughters can use this open forum to discuss the reasons for reacting in a stubborn manner. This helps reduce the bad behavior when your daughter understands the reasons behind your decisions. KidsHealth recommends scheduling time daily to discuss important issues with your daughter and to actively listen to what your teen has to say. These discussions create common ground to avoid incidents of stubbornness.
Avoid Power Struggles
Pickhardt recommends avoiding power struggles with your teenage daughter. Arguing hardens the choices in the eyes of a stubborn teenager, and creates more tension when the teen feels trapped by your position. Discuss the rules when setting up the rules and refuse to debate the fairness of the rule when punishing your daughter for failing to obey the rules.
Stubborn teen girls need to channel the energy used to argue and fight into other activities, according to the Parent Assistance Line at the University of Alabama. Channeling focuses your teen on other activities when tensions rise and she seems ready to argue. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry suggests that parents of teens who have a history of inability to channel frustrations, anger and hostility seek help from a trained counselor to divert those feelings and learn ways to cope.
- Psychology Today: Parenting the Strong-willed Adolescent
- Palo Alto Medical Foundation: Communication
- Ohio State University Extension: Family and Consumer Sciences Fact Sheet -- Communicating with Your Teen
- Raising Children Network: Family Rules
- KidsHealth: Talking to Your Parents -- Or Other Adults
- KidsHealth: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Teen Years
- University of Alabama Parenting Assistance Line: Discipline and Guidance -- Managing the Strong-Willed Child
- Pixland/Pixland/Getty Images