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How to Choose a Maid of Honor When You Have Two Best Friends

By Freddie Silver ; Updated June 13, 2017

Planning your wedding should be a thrilling time, but often the burden of dealing with logistical details and intense emotions transforms this idyllic period into a quagmire of stress. One would think that selecting a maid of honor is one of the easier decisions you have to make, but if you have two best friends who both expect to be your maid of honor, choosing between them creates an additional complication. Approach your decision thoughtfully and with sensitivity so you can preserve your friendship with both friends and enjoy your special day worry-free.

  1. Get your priorities straight. The role of maid of honor is to help and support you, the bride, so base your decision on your needs, notes the Bridal Guide website. Give some thought to what's most important to you and keep it in mind as you assess the abilities of both friends. For example, if you know you're likely to have an emotional meltdown, you'll need the one who is capable of being a rock and able to calm you down instead of the friend who is equally emotional.

  2. Give consideration to the practical aspects of the role. Maids of honor must devote time and energy organizing every detail of the wedding, so you need someone with excellent organizational skills. She'll be the one in charge of a variety of tasks that can include advising you about gown selection and hosting your shower. It might be a good idea to select the friend who is most accessible, who lives nearby and isn't burdened with the demands of a high-pressure job or a new baby.

  3. Take into account your friends' financial situations. In addition to the cost of her gown and possible transportation expenses, your maid of honor will incur the additional expense of arranging your bridal shower or bachelorette party. If one of your friends is suffering financial hardship, she might be relieved to avoid the additional costs associated with the maid-of-honor role. The friend with access to a car will find it easier to efficiently run all the errands you will need, so factor this into your decision as well.

  4. Consider asking both friends to share the role, if you really can't decide between them or if you feel a rejection might devastate them both. Keep in mind that it's your wedding and you get to make the rules. Even the Martha Stewart website notes that if you can't choose between two people as your maid of honor, there's no etiquette rule that says you can't have both. Give some thought to how well the two get along with each other -- and divide the duties between them. Take their individual strengths into consideration. For example, the fashionista might play a bigger role in helping you choose your dress, while the one who's an ace at organizing can create a list of all your gifts and who gave them to you.

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