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How to Cope With Family Conflict
No matter how closely knit a family is, conflict is inevitable. Conflict is natural and shouldn't be ignored. Coping with recurring conflict requires open dialogue and a keen understanding of your family's issues, combined with a willingness to work toward harmonious resolutions. The right coping strategies will not only help you get through the current argument, but also prevent future conflicts.
Decide if the conflict is worth addressing. To minimize the negative impact of arguments and conflict, you must only address major or recurring issues, as explained by the American Academy of Pediatrics 1. If the conflict is over a minor difference, the best coping strategy may be to just leave it alone and let everybody cool off for a few hours.
What Causes Family Stress?
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Stay calm. Whether addressing a major issue or letting a minor conflict pass, it is essential that you remain in control of your emotions. Even for a major conflict, the discussion can wait a few hours as everybody calms down. Iowa State University Extension recommends taking deep breaths or a long walk to deal with onsets of anger during family arguments 2. If you expect the rest of the family to remain calm, you must also keep your anger in check.
Set reasonable guidelines for discussing conflict. Reaching a mutually agreeable resolution will help both parties cope with the conflict and move past it. This can only occur if arguments focus on the issues rather than on name-calling or other personal attacks. It's also important that each family member gets a turn to speak.
Healthy Family Communication Skills
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Listen to the family's concerns and be willing to compromise. Ongoing family conflicts can reach peaceful resolutions is everyone is focused on creating win-win outcomes. Compromise is not possible if you do not actively listen to individual concerns.
Remain optimistic concerning the issue. Positivity will help rebuild family relationships and prevent future conflict; just make sure you're realistic in your expectations. Realistic optimism and open dialogue will help you cope with ongoing family crises, according to the University of Delaware Cooperative Extension 2.
Seek outside help from a family counselor. Family therapy will help your family resolve existing conflicts, according to MayoClinic.com 3. Therapy will provide better results than simply bringing in a friend, family member or other third party to mediate 3. However, in some instances third-party mediation can work, but only if you recognize and address any possible family alliances or biases beforehand, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics 1.
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References
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Family Arguments
- University of Delaware: Surviving a Family Crisis
- MayoClinic.com: Family Therapy
- 5 Things You Should Know About Stress. National Institute of Mental Health.
- Navidian A, Bahari F, Kermansaravi F. The relationship of interpersonal conflict handling styles and marital conflicts among Iranian divorcing couples. Glob J Health Sci. 2014;6(6):245-51. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v6n6p245
- Toussaint L, Shields GS, Dorn G, Slavich GM. Effects of lifetime stress exposure on mental and physical health in young adulthood: How stress degrades and forgiveness protects health. J Health Psychol. 2016;21(6):1004-14. doi:10.1177/1359105314544132
- Overall NC, Mcnulty JK. What Type of Communication during Conflict is Beneficial for Intimate Relationships?. Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1-5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002
- Gottman JM, Carrère S. Predicting Divorce Among Newlyweds From the First Three Minutes of a marital conflict discussion. Family Process, Fall 1999.
- Journaling for Mental Health. University of Rochester Medical Center.
Writer Bio
Richard Kalinowski began writing professionally in 2006. He also works as a website programmer and graphic designer for several clients. Kalinowski holds a Master of Fine Arts from Goddard College and a Bachelor of Science in education from the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater.