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At Healthfully, we strive to deliver objective content that is accurate and up-to-date. Our team periodically reviews articles in order to ensure content quality. The sources cited below consist of evidence from peer-reviewed journals, prominent medical organizations, academic associations, and government data.
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Service's National Institute on Aging: Mourning the Death of a Spouse
- The Harvard Medical School Family Health Guide: Dealing with Grief and Bereavement
- U.S. National Library of Medicine: The Role of Dispositional Resilience in Regaining Life Satisfaction After the Loss of a Spouse.
- U.S. National Library of Medicine: The Role of Dispositional Resilience in Regaining Life Satisfaction After the Loss of a Spouse.
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Grieving After the Death of a Spouse
Everyone grieves in different ways, and regardless of what well-meaning friends and loved ones might tell you, there is no right or wrong way to grieve the death of a spouse. What you do need to know, however, is that it is normal to experience a wide range of emotions -- and even some physical problems -- during the grieving process.
Grief Can Change
The definition of grief is "deep sorrow," but someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse will likely also feel other emotions ranging from depression to fear to anger. If your deceased spouse was the primary breadwinner, for example, you may go through periods of fear as you wonder how you will pay the bills. You may even be angry that your spouse left you alone to deal with them, even though you know this is irrational. Irrational or not, feeling angry is common after the death of a spouse, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Service's National Institute on Aging 1. Allow yourself to grieve without feeling guilty. The only way to work through your feelings is to allow them to happen.
- The definition of grief is "deep sorrow," but someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse will likely also feel other emotions ranging from depression to fear to anger.
- You may even be angry that your spouse left you alone to deal with them, even though you know this is irrational.
The Mind/Body Connection
Biological & Psychological Effects After the Death of a Spouse
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How we feel emotionally can have a physical effect on our bodies, and grief, being such a strong emotion, can cause physical problems. If you are grieving the loss of your spouse, you may have trouble sleeping; after all, you've slept with your spouse beside you for many years. You may suffer from a loss of appetite. Alternatively, you may sleep and eat too much -- depression can cause both overeating and oversleeping. Your doctor may be able to help you with physical symptoms caused by the grieving process. If you feel depressed to the point that you are thinking about harming yourself, tell a loved one or your doctor, as you may require treatment.
- How we feel emotionally can have a physical effect on our bodies, and grief, being such a strong emotion, can cause physical problems.
- If you feel depressed to the point that you are thinking about harming yourself, tell a loved one or your doctor, as you may require treatment.
Forget the Stages of Grief
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You may have been told that you need to go through all five stages before you will be "over" your spouse's death, but this is not the case. First of all, although you will eventually come to terms with the death of your spouse and have more good days than bad ones, you will never be "over" it in the sense that it will no longer affect you. Secondly, a grief study conducted in part by Dr. Toni L. Bisconti of the University of Akron showed that surviving spouses oscillate from one stage to the other, often swinging back and forth between happy and sad, angry and calm. The study, which was published in 2007 in the journal "Death Studies," showed that over time the oscillations become less frequent and severe until emotions stabilize.
- The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
- Secondly, a grief study conducted in part by Dr. Toni L. Bisconti of the University of Akron showed that surviving spouses oscillate from one stage to the other, often swinging back and forth between happy and sad, angry and calm.
Finding Your Way
Dating After the Death of a Girlfriend
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In time, most people who lose their spouses to death will be able to come to terms with their loss. The best way to do this is to take care of yourself during this difficult time -- not only is it the best gift you can give yourself, but it will help your loved ones feel better as well. Always be willing to ask for help. If you don't feel like cooking, for example, ask a friend to help you out with some casseroles or take you out to dinner. Try to get out and enjoy the activities you once enjoyed with your spouse -- it's a good way to keep your memories alive. Ask a friend to join you. Keeping active and keeping company with loved ones are both good ways to care for yourself during this difficult time, and both can help lessen your grief.
- In time, most people who lose their spouses to death will be able to come to terms with their loss.
- The best way to do this is to take care of yourself during this difficult time -- not only is it the best gift you can give yourself, but it will help your loved ones feel better as well.
Related Articles
References
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Service's National Institute on Aging: Mourning the Death of a Spouse
- American Association of Retired Persons: 5 Surprising Truths About Grief
- Myrtle Beach Funeral Home: Getting Back to Life After the Death of a Spouse
- The Harvard Medical School Family Health Guide: Dealing with Grief and Bereavement
- U.S. National Library of Medicine: The Role of Dispositional Resilience in Regaining Life Satisfaction After the Loss of a Spouse.
- National Institute on Aging. Mourning the death of a spouse. Updated June 3, 2017.
- King M, Lodwick R, Jones R, Whitaker H, Petersen I. Death following partner bereavement: A self-controlled case series analysis. PLoS One. 2017;12(3):e0173870. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0173870
- Keyes KM, Pratt C, Galea S, McLaughlin KA, Koenen KC, Shear MK. The burden of loss: Unexpected death of a loved one and psychiatric disorders across the life course in a national study. Am J Psychiatry. 2014;171(8):864–871. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.13081132
- Shear MK, Ghesquiere A, Glickman K. Bereavement and complicated grief. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2013;15(11):406. doi:10.1007/s11920-013-0406-z