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Effective Communication Between Couples

By Karen Kleinschmidt ; Updated June 13, 2017

Communication allows a couple to share their thoughts, feelings and the manner in which they perceive any given situation in a way that enables them to understand each other's reality, as well as their needs and desires, according to the article, "Communication Between Couples: How to Communicate in a Relationship, " published on a Psych Alive website. The manner in which you approach your partner, in addition to talking and listening, comprise effective communication.

Armor Down

Resist the urge to enter a conversation with your partner with the intent to be right and win; rather listen and consider what he is saying with an open mind, suggests Psych Alive. For example, if a couple consistently argues about the household chores, it would be helpful to sit down together when you are both calm and speak about it. Before you begin, make an agreement to hear each other speak without interruption. When each of you has had the chance to air your feelings, thoughts and ideas, you'll likely have enough information to solve your dilemma.

Avoid the Pressure Cooker

There will be both positive and negative feelings when communicating with your partner. If one or both of you vent your anger, disappointment or resentment using sarcasm or verbal aggression, you are not communicating in an effective manner and this behavior can slowly eat away at your relationship, according to Dr. Meir Wikler, author of "Ten Minutes a Day to a Better Marriage: Getting Your Spouse to Understand You." For example, when your partner tells you she is angry because you did not text her that you were going to be late, rather than getting defensive, listen to her feelings. Respond by simply saying, "I should have called and will next time. I'm sorry and I understand why you're upset."

Not a Mind Reader

Lose the notion that your partner can read your mind. For example, you may think that pouting, withdrawing or another form of passive-aggressive behavior might convince your partner that he is wrong and he should apologize for the comment he made yesterday. The truth is, he may not even realize that you are upset. Use "I" statements to let him know how you feel. For example, "I felt disregarded yesterday by your comment. I think you might have thought it was funny, but I found it offensive." By using statements like this, you are able to convey your feelings without blaming your partner according to the article, "Love and Communication in Relationships," published on the California State University Long Beach website.

Listen to Yourself

The next time you are talking to your partner, listen to how you sound towards her. Perhaps, you hear yourself as complaining, demanding or irritated to name a few. Often couples treat and talk to each other in a manner they wouldn't use with anyone else, according to Psych Alive. If you find yourself in this ineffective communication trap, pretend your partner is someone else until you are able to use a respectable, effective tone and manner when speaking with her.

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